Madame Mim and Native Americans

The little Mademoiselle on the left is me, aged three (I think), the photo in the middle is me, 60 years later, and the drawings (not mine!) are of Madame Mim, of Walt Disney fame.

Madame Mim is of course another funny archetype with which I have worked. She is the zany side of me, the “animated” Miss Marple in me. I love her dearly.

…The two comments on yesterday´s post don´t sound odd to me : I have a very keen inner relationship with the cosmos of Native Americans. Being such a nut about Ecopsychology (= the relationship of Humankind with Nature), I have this same…errr…sort of disinterested (questing ?) look on the Crazy White Man (the photographer)? Lol.The “heatmap” tech thingie and the colours no doubt emphasize the perception, but the energy is there, that´s true. It´s the Warrior of Shamballa in me that comes to the foreground through the “heatmap” thing. And yes, it´s the very same picture! (See how you can play?)

I am working in a journal with the original picture, in all sorts of nutty ways. What looks Native American can also look very ladylike with another option of the same programme. I´m working with all options, including an Andy Warhol-like pop painting type of collage.

Psychosynthesis calls these aspects of oneself “subpersonalities”, or “subs” (lol). All of us have lots of facets, and PS gives us the tools to make a true Mandala out of all of them, so that we can see that they are all fragments of the same Self, each semi-detached piece being a path in itself towards “center”. Some of these fragments are quite independent from the central ego-structure (what we generally call “me”), for example the Shadow realm on one “side” or on one hand, and then the spiritual side of our basic nature on the other.Very often these two aspects are not contained within the ego structure, and are “projected” onto other people. PS is the Path to reclaim all these projected aspects of ourselves (of our selves) and bring them into harmony, “owning” them, maybe for the first time in our life.

I think that PS, or any Path that practices “soul retrieval”, is especially good for ladies of “our age” (mmm…) because in a way our lives are behind us, we have already made our choices, and lived through the consequences, for good or for bad. At least that was my experience when I worked for my PS diploma with Will Parfitt (you´ll find a link on the side).

So yes, thank you, Susannah and Jill, I really appreciated the sharing of your perception.

Hecate, and all that jazz!

(Image : Autoportrait surréaliste, SG  April 2010)

…Have started a new Art Journal to explore the tricky passage that I am going through as a woman, I´m definitely a crone now, but you see, I don´t really feel like one.I wonder how many women feel the same way ? I don´t have a clue of how I´m supposed to feel, though I know that I am supposed to feel something, some things, and I dont – repeat: don´t –  agree with those things one bit! And I see the desperate efforts of some other women to cling to the last remnants of their youth, like clinging to worthless rags… I swore to myself that I would not be like them!…

I don´t feel “my age”, I don´t really look “my age”, I´m the same “me” as before, and yet there are subtle changes that I do acknowledge. I cannot run as fast, I have wrinkles, sometimes my teeth are hurting (lol), and I´m certainly not as slim as I once was (never been “slim, so what?)

Actually, I feel strong, ready for battle, full of creative juices- and quite determined to help the next generation as the brand-new challenges of climate change and the need for deep change arise in their young lives. I´m a weathered veteran really. Veteran, as in skilled,steady, adept, expert, versed and practical. (Courtesy of Dictionary, com, lol). 

And that, my friends, is one hell of an advantage, for me and for them.

PS.- The Spanish say “Don´t you have a grand´mother?” when someone throws compliments at themselves (which is a grandmotherly task, as we all know).

 Well, no. I don´t have a grandmother anymore. I am my own grand-mother (on my passport only).

Ya-Ya

(Image : Alex Little, one year old, MDG, 2010)

Note : Ya-Ya means Granny in colloquial Spanish.

It goes something like this…I call my daughter on her cell phone, and Alex responds…

- Bonjour, Alex. It´s me. La Ya-Ya de la gallinas (the granny of the chicken coop, a very fresh discovery) How are you ?

Comes a small lilting voice, but with a very precise lilt, like an early imitation of grown-up language…

- Ya-Ya? Ya-Ya-ah! Deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-dhe…

- Hello, my little heart. And how are you today?

- Ya-YA! Ya-YA! Ghe-ghe-ghe-ghe-ghe-ghe-ghe!…

(OK, not a poem from Aristoteles, but hey, it makes sense, at least to this ya-ya!)

- Yes, my love. Now we come for you. Let´s go to the beach. Would you like that ?

- Ya-Ya! Ya-Ya!  Bah-bah – mahhhhhhhh…(=más/more/yes)…

And a piercing scream…Screeeeeeeech!!!

My daughter´s voice  :

- Mum? Can you call me back now? He doesn´t want to let go of the phone!…

Aaaah. To be loved by a one-year old (who looks like Leo di Caprio, but the tinier version!)

The Mystical Experience

(Image : Soul card,  SG, 2009)

“The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darknesses.” (N. Kazantzakis)

“God has no religion.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

…I had several deep mystical experiences from the age of 8 to the age of 30, “peak moments” as they came to be called in Humanistic Psychology; all of them, each one of them, changed my life in a profound way.

I´m over 60 now, so it took me at least 30 years to completely integrate what happened when I was younger.

The first difficulty, as one can imagine, is how to remain rooted in reality when one just had the realization with all one´s senses and with absolute certainty that one is a conscious part of what other people have been calling “God”. I never ever said that I was “God”, but I said that I was an awakened part of what people call “God”, the same as us all. You really get to have to make sense of what you´re saying, and that wasn´t easy. Fortunately for me the contents of the experiences and the Vision that I slowly acquired also showed me that there were ways to say what happened without offending anyone! My experiences never inflated the ego, as they so often do. The heart of the mystical experience is too beautiful to be mistaken for something that an ego could produce, that much was clear from the start.

After that, after having been shown the interconnectedness of all, of the Great Chain of LIFE, of which I was now a conscious link, I really studied hard to get a sense of normalcy again. Except for a certain dancing light in my eyes, I functioned in the most normal way. Being “enlightened”, as they say, is no guarantee for being a balanced human being. And it is so, point-blank right on the nose! Hard work on oneself does that. I understood that very early on. And I did work hard on the person that I also was.

The sense of awe and the certainty that “all-is-Light” never left me. But I came to understand what the experience meant in contrast to what we are being fed through “education”. I studied hard then to be, one day, able to help others out of the dark tunnel of ignorance.

I also learned – sometimes quite painfully – that not everyone wants to hear the good news.

All in all, and with all, my life was changed forever and the more I understood, the more my view of the human plight changed, became more precise, more defined. The process of enlightenment is a gradual one, a continuous one, though the experience itself is more like a flash, out of time. If you think that it is a “wambam thank you m´am!” (lol)type of thing and you´re done, no, that´s not it at all. It is a long process of becoming more and more able to contain the Light, and to reflect it in a safe way. Progressively all functions align to the inner Light, until you are completely “normal” again, and seen as normal by others. The difference is just that you are being awake where most people seem to be fast asleep. This sleep being an illusion, as I learned going through the process of becoming a guide.

Enlightenment, my dears, is the basis of the normal human state of affairs, so you can measure how far we have strayed, as a species, from Home.

The Alleluiah in my ears

(Image : Soul card 44, SG, 2007)

(I have taken this post out of the dungeons, sorry if you already read it, a year ago. Thought it might help some people.)

There is a constant ringing in my ears.

It is a medical condition known as tinnitus, or acufens. So, what is tinnitus ? (…)”Tinnitus can be perceived in one or both ears or in the head. It is usually described as a ringing noise, but in some patients it takes the form of a buzzing, hissing, humming, or whistling sound; or as ticking, clicking, roaring, “crickets,” tunes, songs, or beeping. It has also been described as a “whooshing” sound, as of wind or waves.” (Wikipedia).

 I have the “refrigerator” kind of beeping sound, going on 24/7, even when I sleep. The first time it happened, I remember I was on my bed, and Ziiiiiiiiiiiiing!

 It never stopped. That was twelve years ago.

The first month I thought I would go crazy, I wanted to get that thing OUT of my ears! I wanted the blessed silence again. I was not resigned AT ALL. I hated that noise with a frenzy! So I went to my lady medic, who told me in no uncertain terms : “You can´t cure it, you know. You will have to learn to live with it.” ….WHOT??? And then she added (smiling at my reaction), “Do you want me to recommend a psychotherapist?” Very funny. I am a psychotherapist, THANK you.

It´s been over ten years. And you know what, I actually learned to live with it! What a learning curve that was!… At first, I tried everything, white noise, music (walking around with earphones), yoga, meditation (which I was doing anyway). Then suddenly one day… I realized that I hadn´t really heard the ringing for several hours, though it was still there. And that gave me the key to my own sort of healing with the matter (though I now know that it is true that it cannot be cured) : I don´t listen to the noise anymore. It is just there, as a part of my daily symphony, with images, thoughts, the rushing of the blood, all that stuff that is happening in the body, every single second of the day. You CAN live with tinnitus, you know. Though that seems impossible at first. You won´t cure the damn thing, but you can flow WITH it.

Now every time I become conscious of the wooshing/buzzing/ticking “refrigerator”, I think of it as my own personal *Alleluiah” in celebration of LIFE. And then, blessedly, I forget about it. People do not even need to know, it doesn´t show at all. And yes, I DO sleep well, thank you. …

And so, what prompted me to write this entry ? What prompted me to “come out of the closet”, lol? Well, my daughter´s English boy-friend, Adam, who is living with us here in Spain, has an accent that I do not quite understand sometimes (He´s from Kent). So I have to make an extra effort to listen, and besides, the wooshing sometimes just drowns his words, and I find myself saying… “Sorry? Can you repeat that, please?” more than I would like. The young man, being extremely polite, doesnt seem to mind too much, – but…I feel a bit uncomfortable, so I wanted him to know “my secret” (The Alleluiah In My Ears, lol)…

To my fellow tinnitus sufferers, I really want to extend hope. You can and you will, someday, integrate this particularity, as you have integrated a few extra pounds or the wart on your nose. Doesn´t mean anything, and it certainly won´t keep you from enjoying your life.

Blessings!

The Lady in Lothlórien.

My beloved Nwyfre

(Image : The Dragon Nwyfre and Star of Erendil tattoo, September 09)

…Spain has a very clear idea of how a woman “of my age” should go about. Clipped (tinted) hair, no-nonsense shoes, dark clothes, – or high heels  and lots and lots of make-up for po-mo grannies, depending on the social class you belong to. (The lower, the less make up is tolerated, and in any case you also have to wear some gold, otherwise they will make you feel that you have been a failure as a woman!) The right mix is between “not-sexy” and “gone to seed”, meaning “not dangerous, not a woman anymore”. Oh yes, such are things around here!…Very primitive, sometimes. Won´t tell you how they treat post-menopausal beings…Doctors, nurses, dentists, the “healing” profession, they treat you as if you were underage and slightly gaga. (That is if you are not wearing gold, in which case, they do start to treat you as a potential human being, even addressing you by your first name.) Whoah. Mmm… I walk around with yesteryear´s Nikes, natural hair (love the few white ones!), and a big tattoo on my forearm.

Told Mika : Did you see how the salesgirl looked at the tattoo?

Mika : Yeah, yeah, – that, and your dragon eyes!!

Other salesgirl : “Hey, nice sticker you got there!” (Me, thinking: It´s not a sticker, you… Bambi, they etched it into my skin with a needle!) Nice middle-aged smile, showing off my wrinkles…hahaha, very funny!

(Well, yes, I still put on my war paint every morning, can´t be too cautious, I don´t feel dressed without Kajal eyes!) 

 ;-)

Wild wo/man

 (Image : Wild man, soul card 134, collage on paper, SG, ’09)

No, I do not believe that there once was a stage of pure innocence for our species. I don´t believe in the innocent Wild Man. I think we have never, ever, been that civilized, even with wars, and the nuclear threat and crazy laboratory viruses frolicking about. (Try the Great Plague, and see if you like it!)

I believe in unfettering our heart, and that would be a real wildness! Just imagine, an entirely new world based on the heart, on compassion (=passion with), on helping each other, and sustaining each other, across borders, right across the continents, and if this sounds very lame to you, try being a homeless person on the streets of any poor barrio in any big city of the world!…And the old Druids were not an exception, they killed people in the most horrible ritual ways (OK, OK, we don´t have any proof ´bout that, don´t spit at me!) And if you think that the word “heart” is a very ”feminine” thing to say, you´re very wrong, my friend, I think that a wild heart is the absolute prerequisite nowadays for a man to be attractive and sexy to any contemporary female witch (of any age, and that includes me!). A wild heart smells good, hahaha!

…There is a wild light hidden somewhere in us human beings, and I think when we discover that, I mean when we discover that collectively, as a species, we´ll have made the greatest discovery of all times. There will be nothing to stop us ever again. And then, maybe our cousins from the Stars will finally reveal themselves to us, and we´ll make it, out of breath but proudly, to the Galactic Council…

Naaah…just kiddin´! (About the Galactic Council stuff, not about the untamed wilderness of my own heart…)

Real Druids in a real world

(Image : Panoramix, the archetypal image of a Druid, lol)

…I am fascinated by the Search Engine Terms that appear on my blog´s stats page. And quite fascinated too by how this blog comes up in various searches. Some of the search terms come so close to what this blog is, and what my life  and this Project I´m participating in are, like …Wizard of the Green Fire, How to become a Druid in the real world…and today…Rebellious Sanctuary, that I feel like jumping up and down (with a Druid flag!…) “We´re here! We´re here!” Hahaha. The mad mad and astonishing magic of the Internet!…

I´m interested because behind each of these searches there might be a person looking for something, a person in a quest, the Net being like a Highway of the Wyrd…;-) How do you become a real Druid in the real world? That´s a good one! So many circumstances shape a destiny that there is really no one answer, a real Druid´s training is very, very long. And you start with statements like this (that I read in one of Jean Markale´s books about the Celts) : “There are no real Druids anymore, their sacred language is dead and lost, the Celts have disappeared under tons of pseudo-Christian ruins and wreckage”, and I myself would add : there is not one chance in Hel (Hel= the Celtic Underworld) that you will become a *real* Druid…”, and even less in the “real” world of po-mo. Wow. Thank you very much.

But the advice is priceless. This is the real deal, the down-to-its-brass-tacks deal, about Druidry: there are no “real” Druids anymore. Those that gambol about in long white robes are living a fantasy (at best) and good luck to them, I have no problem with that. To each her own. Lol.

So. Why – again – do I call myself a Druid? And not, say, an environmentalist, or a psychotherapist, or an artist. Well, you see, I am a healer and a politician (in esoteric terms) and an artist. At the same time. Twenty-two years of hard training in these three spheres entitle me to say that I know a bit about what I am doing. So I actually choose to call myself a Druid (apart from the hard fact that I actually am a Druid grad of OBOD now, a Druid Associate, or a Druid Companion).  That means, to me, that I can work with Bards (art, writing, poetry, music), and with Ovates (ecopsychology), and even with Druids – *gasp* - (psychosynthesis and Dharma quest). The Druids of old worked on these three levels at the same time, it was part of who they were in their society, a function which has completely disappeared, and which, by chance and destiny, I am called to restore.

 Actually, to tell you the truth, I am the Panoramix of the Earth Sanctuary ( …see what I mean?) Get the mead horn on the table, and start the music!…And for Cernunnos´s sake, SHUT THAT BARD UP! Hahaha

The Imaginal

(Image : Dare to be who you were really meant to be, altered greeting card, SG, ‘ 07)

Art as a spiritual Path.

In the modern world Art and the spiritual Path have usually been considered as rather different domains. Not so for me. And not so for the Ancients.

Art – which is the work of the Lady Imagination – and Spirituality, which has everything to do with the Lady Intuition, come from the same Court : the court of the Sun King, the real Self.

The so-called Otherworld, in my definition, is the world of Lady Imagination, not a “parallel world”, not a different dimension.The Druid “Otherworld” is the world of the imaginal. Not a different dimension. Do you understand the vast consequences of this realization? The word “imaginal” comes from “imago”, an “imago” in psychoanalytic terms means an inner image that we have formed in early childhood (of a loved one, usually a parent) and that remains unchanged throughout our life. See? We carry “images” around, shelved in our brain(s), and these images, most of the time, determine our destiny. And that, my dearest friends, is the important point : they *determine* our destiny.

Wouldn´t it be interesting if we could actually *manifest* these “images”, actualize them, and even change them if they are not what we need them to be? This is quite possible. This is the function of –A-R-T, as I see it. Get all those “imagos” onto paper, and see who you really are! Or, more precisely, what the Matrix has done with the Original You…Then, change it! Because, you are the Creator, and you can define the images that you carry around.

Working with the energy of creativity (which is a very real divine attribute) places these two forces, Lady Imagination and Lady Intuition, in their rightful place on each side of the Sun King, the Self, in the inner Court of the Soul. And since we have even lost the inkling that we are really part of this Court, (or maybe nobody ever told us), the brillance, the sheer wonders that these two Ladies bring to the world show us the Royal Path to the center of who and what we really are : a spiritual Being of untold and undiscovered magnitude.

There are indeed historical (and many hysterical!) reasons of why we have lost the Path, why we have all been thrown off our spiritual heritage, and these reasons can and should be studied. The future of our race and of the whole planet may depend on it. There is no other way if we want to prevent utter destruction : we have to actualize our inner images.

God, “in here”

…Basically, I´ve become too world-wise to believe in a God “out there”, but the One “in here”…that´s really something else.

…My heart dwells in the Light.

And thus, irrevocably, my friends, unalterably, irreversibly, I know that you too are…That.