Dark epiphany – 2

(Images : Spider Woman, The Cailleach, Wild Woman, soul cards, SG, 2009)

“The real meaning of enlightenment is to gaze with undimmed eyes on all darknesses.” (Nicolas Kazantzakis)

OK,  I think it´s a good moment to share some of my more ”creepy-crawley” soul cards. Not all of my  work is bright and shiny. I love what I call my “shadow warrior” cards as well. They give me a good insight into domains that are not at all angelical, and I believe that´s really good for personal integration and psycho-synthesis, lol. Even so, I can´t let beauty out of it…

Elderwoman

(Image : Autoportrait surréaliste, art journal, SG, ’10)

“Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a wonderful corollary of being on the right path.”

        The Blessed Anon (Anon-ymous).

…Can´t believe that ten years have passed since menopause! I´m perfectly OK, but oh Goddess have I changed! I´m no longer the Mom that I was, now I´m a friend of my daughters (a darn good one at that!); I´m no longer the “goddess of love” that I was (thank the Goddess too, that struggle is finally over, lol!) – but strangely enough, I feel closer to who I was before I became an adult. I feel much, much closer to the Inner Child, the luminous Mabon archetype. When I laugh, I don´t laugh prettily, and when I cry I cry for all human beings. The older I get, the more universal I become. I would define myself as “a grandmother for humanity” now. Watching “my baby” with all the awareness and love contained in my heart.

Ten years back, they (books, friends, etc) advised me : when Lady Menopause knocks at your door, either you are “clean” (OK with your past), or all the ghosts will come running back! All the unfinished business, all the negative energies, all the shit. Menopause is one grand opportunity to get clear before the Universe!…Yup, and that´s how it was. And I worked my way through it all, patiently, sometimes it was hard, sometimes it was funny, sometimes it was heartbreaking, and sometimes it was outrageous (like when I decided to get my first tattoo at 63, and the tattoo man couldn´t help smiling at my enthusiasm!). Looking back,  it was relatively easy, and not one “hot flashes” spell! I didn´t even go to see a doctor, (if you have any doubt about your health, don´t do that, I must have been crazy, lol). Not a one. Just some wild heart beating at times (the hormones, I suppose), in the beginning, and then some pain in my joints, some more wrinkles. My creative spirit soared! I immediately ”grokked” it that this was the central point in this menopause business : to allow the creative spirit to go from creating new life (or the opportunity of it, every month) to actually being this creative spirit all the time!

I never had any problem with my womanhood, so no negative ghosts reared their ugly head. It was just one long process of slow change until now, when I finally acknowledge that I have become what some feminists call “a crone”. I don´t really like this word, it makes me feel old, and I´m not ”old” (…that will be the next ten years? Hahaha). I prefer to say “wisewoman”, or “elderwoman”. I look at my daughters (27 and 31) and at my grandson (1), and I feel for them, – I´m finally out of a long archetypal tunnel, hooray, it is finally over, this constant battling with stereotypes! OK, I don´t like my “love handles” too much, but that´s because I have a “couch potato” vocation, my idea of “relax” being sitting with my feet up, a nice cup of coffee (a definite “no-no” for menopausal women, but who cares?), and maybe a chocolate bun.

My eyes are changing, it´s as if they were looking into the inner world most of the time…I care a lot less about what´s happening “outside” me (excepting Climate Change, and stuff of that nature), and I care a lot less about how I look to others. (I still put on my “war paint”, though, they say I have a “piercing look”, hahaha, and I enjoy enhancing that!…But just a dark line around my green eyes…mmm? No powder, no “foundation”, no perfume, commercially I would put beauty parlors out of business!)

I´m not reacting as fast to what is happening around me, I enjoy looking at the grass “growing by itself” a lot more, as I enjoy riding in the car instead of walking or running. There, I confessed. Oh and another confession, it hurts a bit when I see that my jawline is slacker in photographs from up close than before (though the said jaw itself is perfectly functional, lol), but then, hey! my model is Margaret Rutherford (Miss Marple) not Demi Moore, so I´ve still a long way to go…

Apart from these changes, I´m still the same zany person, and yes, outrageously young. In this case, young meaning vital, movable, moving, moved, in one word : dancing, see? Plus, I´m still practising beginner´s mind, except in those situations where a more mature outlook is needed,  and then oh Goddess can I be mature!…

So, my two cents of wisdom re/menopause to all of you lovely gals out there going through the Change : trust yourself, be true to yourself, and you´ll be just fine, even with hot flashes and aching joints (coffee is a no-no, remember that!), the last best part of your life is expecting you, no bullshit. I did it.

 

Druidry and Tarot

…The office of the Sanctuary has received a rather nasty e-mail, asking why I would stoop so low, as a spiritual coach, as to use Tarot and Druidry as my tools in my work with people. The mail ended on the note of… ”and since you are a so-called Druid, here I leave you playing with your potions and your enchantments!”… (Suspensive space).Wow. Really nasty.

I didn´t like the tone of the e-mail, but I must say that it started me thinking, both about my use of Tarot (I use Caitlin Matthew´s Arthurian Tarot deck) and my use of Druidry, and found that I have a few things to clear up for certain people I have known in the past. And maybe, at the same time, for certain new and current friends.

I am definitely not using Druidry as a role-playing PlayStation,  and I´m not a fantasy druid, not “a” Druid, I am a Druid Graduate of the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids, UK. I don´t claim any superior or mysterious knowledge or powers, but I do stand for having finished said Course (OBOD), and that has been four years of very intense innner Journeying. I am most definitely not using Tarot as do the mercantile channelers and seers that you find in some magazines. (If that was the meaning of the e-mail.)

Tarot is a very old tool for self-knowledge, and its archetypes most useful in any personal journey, when you want to know your place in the grand scheme of things (in our western civilization, since it is mostly  a tool in Western esotericism). Astrology would be another, for example, though I do not agree that stars can have a psychological effect on the human soul. (That´s just my opinion, please respect it for whatever it is worth).

I use Tarot in my personal journey, but have never, ever, used it for another person (not even family), since I think that our Quest for our very own personal Dharma (the Path of Individuation, as Jung described it), can only be that : personal. I do not believe in seers, and I do not believe that anyone except oneself is responsible for their destiny. I wouldn´t dare intervene between a person and their soul journey. Not my business, at all.

As for Druidry, I think that I explained elsewhere, that I am not much for rituals (except private ones), that I am not in any collective group except my heart family, and that my Druidry has a clear ecopsychological flavour: I am most concerned about the well-being of our planet, and about the well-being of all its inhabitants. So. No white robes, no mistletoe at midnight. No weird magic wavings at full moons, either.

I might have, certainly, talked about “potions and enchantments” somewhere in this blog, and it must have been as a hearty joke about people who see “Druids” as “super-power Merlins”, who – of course, do not exist in real life. My use of the image of Goscinny´s Panoramix – a few blogs below - was due to my sense of humour, as well as the frog right above. Hope I won´t be blamed for that.

Hope all is clear.

Good day.

The ranting grandmother

(Image : Last Ray of Hope, collage on cardboard, SG 08)

…The image that people have of Druids is usually of white-bearded old men, doddering through the forest, with laurel in their long hair and a golden sickle to gather mistletoe or, more likely, to open the heart of a beautiful and willing virgin (I mean, litterally). Ridiculous. Truly, it´s time to do away with the cobwebs!

When I say that I am a Druid, I get this weird look, and then the question… Aaaah…Do you…err…cut mistletoe with a golden sickle, at midnight on full moons? *discreet chuckle,chukle* …Well, I can´t really see you doing that! Although …with you, one never knows…*more cackle*

Well, no. I don´t waltz through the trees in a white robe on dark nights, with wolves howling at my heels. Though…mmm…I like the image.

 You might see my involvement with Druidry as an ecopsychological stance. In my opinion it is urgent that we try to get to understand – to “grok” – the planet that we infest, lol. To understand, we have to observe. To observe we have to dedicate time and energy. To dedicate time and energy, we have to set priorities. And yes, for me, being with Nature, understanding Nature, including and first of all my very own inner one, wholeheartedly, is a priority.

What prompted my rant today? I just read an article saying that if we go on with our habits of consumption we will need another planet by 2030. That´s in 22 years. My grand´son will not even be 25, and the planet will be in such a disastrous state that we will probably have gone back to the caves(if we get to 2030, that is). Not a very nice perspective, to say the least.

 I am a woman, I am a grand´mother, and I am a Druid. I will speak for the trees (and for my unborn grandchildren, unto the seventh generation…). And no, I will not put on white robes – I will just be myself, jeans, a sweatshirt and my good old walking shoes. Have you hugged a tree, lately?

Damn it, is everyone sleeping???

PS.- Yeah, I have looked up the word consumption, and it means exactly what I want to say : the act of consuming, as by use, decay, or destruction, Pathology : progressive wasting of the body.

Yeah, yeah.

Double

Wild wo/man

 (Image : Wild man, soul card 134, collage on paper, SG, ’09)

No, I do not believe that there once was a stage of pure innocence for our species. I don´t believe in the innocent Wild Man. I think we have never, ever, been that civilized, even with wars, and the nuclear threat and crazy laboratory viruses frolicking about. (Try the Great Plague, and see if you like it!)

I believe in unfettering our heart, and that would be a real wildness! Just imagine, an entirely new world based on the heart, on compassion (=passion with), on helping each other, and sustaining each other, across borders, right across the continents, and if this sounds very lame to you, try being a homeless person on the streets of any poor barrio in any big city of the world!…And the old Druids were not an exception, they killed people in the most horrible ritual ways (OK, OK, we don´t have any proof ´bout that, don´t spit at me!) And if you think that the word “heart” is a very ”feminine” thing to say, you´re very wrong, my friend, I think that a wild heart is the absolute prerequisite nowadays for a man to be attractive and sexy to any contemporary female witch (of any age, and that includes me!). A wild heart smells good, hahaha!

…There is a wild light hidden somewhere in us human beings, and I think when we discover that, I mean when we discover that collectively, as a species, we´ll have made the greatest discovery of all times. There will be nothing to stop us ever again. And then, maybe our cousins from the Stars will finally reveal themselves to us, and we´ll make it, out of breath but proudly, to the Galactic Council…

Naaah…just kiddin´! (About the Galactic Council stuff, not about the untamed wilderness of my own heart…)

Happy Halloween

(Image : Spirit of Halloween, SG, 31.10.09, collage on cardboard.)

A happy Halloween, everybody! My blessings for this  night of the “thinning of the veil”…

Have fun!

Eat your heart out, folks!

(Image : The Earth Sanctuary, Samhain 2009)

…I finally graduated from my OBOD Correspondence Course, after four years of intense Journeying!…Got the prettiest paper to vouch for it, all Celtic whirls and knotwork, and real red wax seals! *sigh*

Now my Journey as a Druid really begins. Got the rest of my life to walk my talk.

 

Hurly-burly

(Image : Hidden Treasure, collage work, SG, 05)

…I´m whirling about with Samhain energies, and taking Findhorn Flower Essences (Transformation, lol). Don´t know that they do what they say in the leaflet, but a little bit of brandy sure settles my heart, lol.

Some things in my life are now withering, are quite limp and lifeless, so they are going directly into the Cauldron of the Goddess, for Her to dissolve and compost.

Some other things are in the middle of a dance of transformation, and I cannot recognize what is happening. So I just breathe deep, feeling woozy…

Some things are long dead, and so Tzass! chuck out, no second thoughts.

And then, there are the sore spots that still smart a bit. It´s been an intense year, so I´m kind of nursing the sore spots, not yet ready to let them go.

It´s Samhain again, this blog is just a year old, and the Cailleach is rattling the ole bones at me!

Pah. Not afraid. I am so close to being a Cailleach myself…

PS.- Am a Druid grad at OBOD now, too. And got me a dragon tattoo, a big one, right on my forearm.

What??? Not elegant ? Hahaha! I told them: I´m the right age, no regrets.

Mother of Sorrow

(Image : The Cailleach, Mika, acrylics, 09)

…The mountains are clothed in ochres, reds, and glowing yellows, and the Cailleach is roaming the land again.
This morning I heard a strange hooting laughter as I walked the woods, and the morning mists are hiding autumn´s mysteries.

Oh Mother of Sorrow, Mother of the shadows, Mother of the fallen leaves, of felled trees and rotting trunks, accept in your compassionate cauldron all that is now broken. Embrace the dead in their journey to the Light, speed them on towards the Light, and in your sweet compassion, wrap in your dark veils those that are left behind.

Mother of the ferns, your beauty, though hidden under your rags, touches my heart as no other being can.

The Scare Crone

(Image : “The Irreverent Mother”, watercolours on cotton fabric, Shakti G., ´05)

 

Power-giving

Life Force,

I am my own Wizard.

*****

Elderwoman, Protect the fields
Elderwoman, Paint the sky blue
And deep purple and pink.

Elderwoman, Wash the black skies away
Elderwoman, Protect us from the darknesses
from the madnesses, from the crazy dawgs.

May you forever live in our blood,
Bold and free, And easy
And sparkling ruby-red.

 May we become You one day,
And in the eternal turning of the stars,
Like you do,
May we learn to protect the sacred earth.

Elderwoman, Rise in us the wild crones,

Rise through us,

For we are the grandmothers,

The women who have survived.

(Book of Shadows III)